BORIS BADDENOFF VS SNAGGLEPUSS

To my dozens and dozens of faithful blog readers out there please take up bonsai prunning or follow a flea circus around the country(and yes i do mean the bassist for the red hot chili peepers he can juggle three different bongs at once and still play the baseline to "under the bridge" at the same time while wearing a top hat Its AWESOME.)or follow a crazy religous cult around JACK VAN IMPE is goona open for PAT robertson so that should be fun.by you tents now (Author's note: I am a man of great faith in god but if he talks that often to these people we gotta chip in and by him a new ham radio/cb, and we can't be cheap he's God he can tell for his sake.
    To be honest with you readers I would have been back sooner but i was planting/harvising crops on farmvillie and i decided to take up heavy drugs because at least that way i would feel productive.(just kidding dad!!!!)
   After reciving lots af cards and letters in the old Cripples mailbag(by the way unless you work in the post office has anyone ever seen a mailbag? If you needed to purchase a mail bag where would you go? The post office would seem the most logical place.But that brings up another querry (dont you hate when that happens?) If the post office sells mailbags do we the mailbag purchasing consumer get the higher quality mailbags?  and if we do I really dont like the idea that our hard working goverment employes would be slepping around cheaply made mailbags from China.)It's quandry's like this t'hat made the great eastern phisophier Confusicus decide not to take that civil service postion.
  I realize that i got side tracked during that last paragraph I do apologise i think i had to much expresso this morning.
Back to the cards and letters One burning question seems to come up again and again What are the political views of some of the major cartoon charecters in this country?Im glad you asked because it takes someone of the intellect i've shown here to breakdown such an importat question.Lets start with your fringe groups the 420 party(make hasesh legal.group led by William Shagworthy the third and The all girl rock band Josie and the pussycats.When reached for comment by this reporter mister Shagworthy had this to say"LIKE ZOINKS I know every one says pot is to prevelent in our soicitey as it is and while its true that if you mix say pot and angedust you can hillucinate ghosts or sea creathures or old miners,pot if taken in regulated dr prescribed doses only has 1 major side effect.The need to ingest dog biscuts." The pussycats could not be reached for comment they were in the studio trying to tune a tamberine.
   I will not mare these pages with the sorid details of Captain Cavemans repeated a failed attemps to legalize prostusion with a group he calls "the teen angels.The Smurfs lobby for they rights of the Vertically challenged.To be fair however there are rumblings that you cant reach a high ranking postion in the party unless you are blue.When asked by phone the vice chairman of the party a mr brainy smuf said If you will read brainy shurf's book of quations it clearly states that"(I hung up the phone at that point.)
      On the so called"right of our major two party system we have Mister Boris baddenoff.As far as i can tell his  entire politicall platform consits of one statement "GET MOOSE AND SQURELL" In fact when ask about education he saidFINE TEACH CHILLDREN TO GET MOOSE AND SQURELL.His much more affable if not some what dense running mate Huc Hound said last night when asked about his contrivirshal stance om immergration while govenor of Texas said"Aw shucks twernt nothing but a wall to keep those datblased foriegners out"
     on the left we have The 1st openly gay Canidate running for office Snagglepuss who said in a meeting of the dnc last wensday I CANT BELIVE YOU ALL CAME TO SEE ME WITH YOUR FANCY SUITS AND TIES AND MICROPHONES EVEN.NOW IF YOU WILL EXCUSE ME I MUST GO PUT ON SOME PANTS BEFORE I GO  TO THE PRAYER BREAKFAST EVEN.EXIT STAGE LEFT LOOKING FOR MY KHAKIS EVEN EMBARRESD ALL THE WAY.His running mate is one miss Cindy Bear  who says that a woman can do the same job as a man but with a pink parsool she looks better doing it..
ps Scrogge Mcduck was appotited nerw chairman of the fedreal reserve by congress
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PART TWO

sorry about that little dogs dont understand daddy is writing don't step on the Keyboarddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm better now I swear. So gotchie and I had lunch about two weeks after he started working at Walmart in the produce section.I had worked as a people greeter at store 333 in the great berg of Beaver Dam KY. Now I went to lunch really really needing to pee. In fairness I guess I should have mentioned this to Gotchie.We were eating in the radio grill in the front of Wal-mart(which is not even there anymore,God I'm old!!)Gotchie launched into his Andy Kalfman impression(thank you very much) I was doing my jack in the box having a seisure  routine that I always do when I need to pee(for those of you who have seen it what else would you call it lol) I guess you could say the dam broke. After it was over I said "Gotchie I have to tell you something, he said "Oh my God you're dying" and I said nope guess again, "You're gay?"(not that there is anything wrong with that!!)  and I said nope I peed my pants.We laughed so hard and so loud and so long they could here us in the back of the store.After our laughing curtailed a bit(I don't think I really stopped laughing for 48 hours) Gotchie said "Let's go to produce prep room and get an apron so nobody can tell you peed your pants" and then we decided to buy a box of cookies to put on my lap so the apron would not fly up in the front.Exept on the way back to the managers office to call my parents everybody who passed us asked for a damn cookie.We finally made it to the the back to call my parents.Our store co-manager had the line of the day when he said"I think I'd be more upset if a co-woker made me pee my pants.

   p.s. Gotchie made me pee more than once can you say volume two and three?
   

THE ADVENTURES OF GOTCHIE AND CRIPPLE VOLUME ONE

Unlike my  two previous blog posts this a true story.This the story of how one of if not the best friend I have ever had Thomas Brown made me pee my pants.He will from this point forward be known as Gotchie.I John David Morris the 2nd will be called cripple(a note of explanation here for anybody who may not know I am in fact crippled I am well aware that this is a term some people find very offensive if you are one of those people I am very sorry but go be the pc police somewhere else.)I tell all my friends to call me "cripple or the cripple Has a nice ring to it dont you think kinda like the duke or the earl or crazy larry of crazy larry's waterbeds where prices are so low you will think we have gone Crazzzzzzzzzzzy!!! Sorry where was I oh yeah peeing my pants.I was introduced to Gochie by a mutual friend Sam Ford who as gone on to some renound.A little known fact about Sam he is deathy scared of cartoon rabbits(ok so not every single word of this blog is fact.)I called Thomas gochie after the famed shoot wrestler Carl Goch.We were and are huge wrestling fans(plus I had to call him somethingd the

It was not my intention to use this blog as a soapbox,it was my intention to use is as a visual record of my spoon colletion from every hotel,motel,and motorlodge in the country,I was going to go in alphebetical order,but i didnot realixe how quickly Alaska would come up(obviously I failed to think this thru!)It's the same old story you've heard thousands of times like most men i started my spoon collection to impress women(oddly enough it never seemed to help that much)But after i started I caught the fever or food poisoning from that batch of Oreo cookies that had the March 88 experation date on them.I thought I was Florence Nightingale for two weeks.by the way if you have any use for size 2 white nurses uniforms please contact me they are slightly used but cheap.so i started collecting spoons from all the hotels and then it spread to motels and even a rest stop coffee shop from time to time.Then it stared to become an expensive hobby i started to go to specality silverware Acutions at Southeybeys in london.Incase your wondering im indepedentally well off my great great uncle Gertrude invented the first blond joke in 1942 in a fox hole in Warsaw to piss off the nazis.After the war he came home and put a patend on the blond joke.He naned me sole benifecry of his will because i was the only member of the family who never made fun of him dancing(uncle gert was a bit strange i will admit) These acutions are not advertised to the public they take place the 1st and 3rd saturdays of the month inside the janitiors closet on the 8th floor.I wont bore with every spoon in my collection( anybody reading this has to be bored already) my three most prized spoons are a spoon Gary Busey threw at a waiter during a drunken rant at the house of blues in Chicago.An accual spoon used by Vic Taback who played Mel Sharpel on the hit tv sitcom Alice and the spoon George Washington used to pick his teeth at Mt.Vernon little known fact toothpicks went thought of till after the war of 1812 according to wickopedia.

ps TOMORROW MY SPORKS






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SMOKEY THE BEAR MIGHT HAVE ENPHIZIMA PART 2

they are also know to be big liars
    My point is this congress cant do things like agree on healthcare,or education,or the homeless in this country,or the enviorment or..............ETC,ETC,ETE,but by god i think we as a nation owe it to our animals to fix there healthcare i mean how many woodchucks have to sufer rickets before we do somthing about it.


PS we need to look into the inalible rights of inanimate objects as well

SMOKEY THE BEAR MIGHT HAVE ENPHZEMA

Have you noticed that you never see anything on the news about chimpmunks suffering from Restless leg Syndrome,or even badgers and woodchucks dealing with the deblitating effects of rickets.(to be far however last year Fox news did do an exellent in-depth series about muskrats and the increasing number of them suffering from early stage Alzheimeers disease.)none of this is coverd by Obamha care i might add.For the record this was the best reporting I have ever seen Bill O'Rellily do and that includes the many jounalistic awards and achievments as the host of Inside Edition orHard copy I cant recall whitch(forgive me I was drunk most of the time I mean c'mon what else is there to do at 3o'clock in the afternoon.)
   Lets just say for example that you are a Howler Monkey that suffers from vertigo and you go to your HMO approved owl for treatment(and before you ask of couse owls are medical doctors they look the best in labcoats and glasses I refer you to every single cartoon owl you have ever seen) They are not surgenons however octipi fill that roll.If the poor dizzy howler monkey can manege to climb the tree and get past the female bear reciponist(thats right they have really good telephone voices,surprised me too.)there are not ever any good magazines in the wating room any way its all arieal shots of feild mice at night journal.
  Its very hard for your common every day lunchpail carrying monkey (mostly full of bananas obviouly) to pay for these visits out of pocket because owls as a group dont care much for bananas.(what did you think they paid with gold deblunnons be serious.If the  monkey can manage to see his doctor he has to sit through at least 20 minutes of how the owl in the Winnie The Pooh stories was based on the doctor's great uncle or cousin.You see while owls are very bright and great phiscians they are for

up on cripple creek get it lol

random mussings doce(for those of you reading this educated in the south that means 2) Why do some small dogs snore like your fat drunk uncle who has a devated septum after thangsgiving dinner? We have doce(see above) little short haired barkers from south of the border they work two times as hard as english dogs for half of the biscuits.?Thats a joke ok lol That is the only drawback of having a english bulldog you have to serve them tea and scones every day at 3oclock.I was laying here in bed earlier today(shocking behavior for a cripple i know!!)(SARCASISM)see also smartass,One of our dogs the lovley Tiger I know weird name for a dog(can you say irony was laying on my legs sleeping I figure i cant walk on them so if the dogs want to use them as a pillow fine by me.Might as well get some use outtha them cant take them back I dunno where i put that damn receipt!! I was playing poker my second favorite pastime besides competive ballroom dancing,(i tend not to bruise as much playing poker for some strange reason See above again)All of a sudden  the dog stars shaking and snoring so loudly i feel like im at the bar in the motel next to the Newark Internationial Airport.
   In closing i wonder if they have sleep apniea masks for dogs ?Ebay here i come!!!!!